Still struggling about the flat.. and ACCA!

"愛一個人，就算沒有得到什麽，純粹因爲愛他，已經快樂了"
- copied from Agnes Chee http://lostmindfoundmind.blogspot.com/

*****

Still struggling about the flat issue. Couldn't get into sleep last night till half an hour after I was in bed. While I was undecided about whether to move to my friend's house or stay in the current flat and try to negotiate with that potential new flatmate, I received an email from a friend of mine who's now also interested in being my new flatmate! Oh. What should I do? Three options now... or no option?!

Another tranquil day again. Flatmate back home for a short while in the afternoon then went out again. Weather was not good, which didn't motivate me to go out for gym. So I exercised my mind much more than my physical body - doing ACCA revision, with a lot of terms, formats and equation to be stored at the back of my mind in such a short time. Credits, debits, assets, liabilities, inventories, balances, T-accounts... hmm... zzz... Also like the time when I was writing up my phd thesis, I liked to cheer up myself with nice home-made meals. Still feeling hungry all day long, though I did eat quite a lot - besides three main meals, I ate a banana and an egg tart!

*****

Lunch: fried egg rice with luncheon meat & mixed vegetables

Dinner: egg noodles with pork, meatballs & lettuce 

(meatballs are nice!)

At sunset

A tranquil life.. for one day!

What a quiet day again! :) Flatmate and her boyfriend went out early in the morning. I could enjoy the tranquility and my own space. It made me think about whether I'd really like to give up the flat and move to a friend's house to get used to sharing a place with another person. Of course, if I could afford, I'd rather live on my own in a studio flat. But we can't get everything we want. When we gain one thing, at the same time we lose another thing. What's important is once we make the decision, we shouldn't regret it but be prepared for any consequences.  Like, if I move to a friend's house, I may save a bit of money but at the same time I have to get used to share a place with an elderly man who may ask me questions about his computer and other things! So I gotta think about it thoroughly and make a decision asap.

My quiet day was about tidying up my room, doing laundry, cleaning the kitchen and shower, writing my diary, having a nap, watching an episode of 'Good Wife' (Season 2), doing ACCA revision and enjoying my home-made meals. Wish I could always have such a tranquil life.

Breakfast: a 10p tuna mayo sandwiches from Waitrose yesterday! 

Yummy but fat! (14g)

Lunch: noodles with luncheon meat, broccoli & mushroom 

(noodles are tasteless...)

Dinner: Rice with steamed salmon & mixed vegetables

(Salmon was really tasty and healthy, and 'light', much different from other red/white meat)

(Shallow fried courgettes, carrots & broccoli with garlic were really nice!)

My 'camera' family! 

My little drawing about my favourite restaurant GBK :) 

Feeling down & insecure with a difficult decision to be made

Insomnia last night. I don't think I could fall asleep till after being in bed for about at least half an hour. My mind was still 'active' then. Lots of negative thinking. Asked myself why things ended up like that and whether it was my fault. Yes, it was my fault. I was not determined enough and too nice to some people and myself - not setting myself a firm deadline for various things like anthology, job search, my flatmate's moving out, etc... I just kept having things postponed, maybe because I didn't want to face the difficulties. Maybe it's not a bad thing that things turn out like that. At some point, we have to make decisions anyway. I'm just being driven to make decisions - whether to stay in my current flat, when to decide if I should move on, etc.

This kind of negative thoughts and feelings made me feel down for almost the whole day. And a sense of insecurity - having no income while lots of expenses were expected, having no job, etc. - seemed to be underlying my 'over-reaction'. I seem to be the one who's not mature enough to handle all the (unexpected) changes and challenges. And I feel guilty of affecting others because of my immature and emotional behaviour.

I thought doing gym may help. It did help a bit though. Doing shopping later, however, made it worse. Spending money on those skin care products made me feel guilty. Didn't feel like talking to anyone then. Maybe because I just didn't know what to do next.

Finally when my flatmate told me she'd move out at the end of July, I felt 'contradictory'. Initially I hoped she'd move out asap, now I'd rather she keep her room till Sept. I hesitate about staying in the flat with a new flatmate as there're some issues that need to be sorted out. Feel like it's me who has to make the decision about whether to get that potential flatmate move in with me or to move out and live in the house of a friend of mine...

Lunch: noodles with soup of last night.. 

Dinner: GBK burgers (takeaway) + McDonalds tea + chunky chips

Dinner: BBQ burger & Avocado Bacon Burger

Dinner: egg tart from a friend of mine 

my model 'koala', by E1 baby

(gonna have a special album of koala with E1 baby!)

Being too nice to people is not necessarily a good thing...

Feeling so upset tonight. My flatmate hasn't been home for 3 days. I felt so calm and enjoyed myself at home. But once she came back tonight, I started feeling stressed again. What's more stressful is she said she might not move out till the end of July! Then later she said she might rent her room till the end of September if she can't get a new visa, which isn't certain at the moment till after she submits her application and she hasn't submitted it yet. One of my friends, who has so much bad experience of sharing with people before, told me it's not a matter of 'end of July', or 'end of September', but rather a matter of how things should work, e.g. we should give each other a two months' notice. She said it's my fault that I didn't state the 'rules' at the beginning. Yes, I've been too nice/considerate to my flatmate, and 'spoilt' her, as I trusted her she'd behave well and be considerate. It turned out that I'm wrong. That friend of mine also said that's how we can grow up, when we suffer from all these bad experiences with immature people...

Lunch: cheese burger + broccoli

Dinner: soup + broccoli

Stress is back?

'Aftermath' of last night's buffet dinner?

Besides the itchy skin I got, I had a nightmare last night. I dreamt that I was trying to find jobs and one of them was a job in a local Chinese housing association (there were actually two job vacancies). I couldn't get it becoz the star 'Lau Ka Ling' has got it!  I don't know why she was in Manchester! Then I dreamt of my previous boss (head of the organization) too. Can't remember what she said to me but I felt she was rude and not nice to me. Not sure if it's becoz of what my colleagues said about her yesterday... Seems I still haven't got away with my ex-employer?

I can start feeling the stress of my ACCA course. Today we had a revision class for one of the ACCA papers. The tutor told us we should take the computer-based exams on 9th June, 16th June & 23rd June for three papers. It seems exams are not far away from us! Also I just realized that we had to pay exam fees - £72 per exam paper! Poor... In today's revision class, I found I still had a lot to revise becoz I can't answer some of the questions in the exam kit book. :(

The problem of getting a new flatmate still hasn't got much progress. The agent told me the procedure of changing the 'occupier's name was very simple and wouldn't incur any charge! But my current flatmate went down to London yesterday and hasn't come back yet. I can't tell the potential new flatmate when she can move in till my current flatmate tells me the exact date of her leaving. I feel that my current flatmate has become a stress to me. I feel more relaxed when she's not home; when she's home, and even with her boyfriend, I'd feel stressed, stuck and even upset (e.g. if they make a lot of noise). Sometimes I wonder if I'm too picky?

Oh I really like my new camera E1 baby! Photo quality is good and the camera itself is cute! :)

*****

Lunch: home-made 

Very simple - courgettes, carrots & luncheon pork 

(time to clear up my stock/fridge!)

Dinner: noodles with courgettes, carrots & luncheon pork

Eat, eat, eat

Today was about meeting ex-colleagues again and eat eat eat!

I was awake early this morning around 6 a.m. and couldn't get back to sleep. I have been awake around 5 or 6 a.m. these days, though I did try to get back to sleep till 8 or 9 a.m. Is it a sign of aging? Some of my friends also have the same problem. Is it related to the weather or our physical body? I'm not sure about the answer.

I had lunch with an ex-colleague at McDonalds. I bumped into another ex-colleague of ours. So we three had McDonalds  lunch together. My ex-colleague had a happy meal and gave me a gift attached to the happy meal! After lunch we met another ex-colleague of mine! It seems city centre is really a 'dangerous' zone where you're likely to bump into people you know! :P

Had dinner gathering with my ex-colleagues at a newly open buffet restaurant tonight. I don't fancy buffet that much since I have some bad experiences with buffet before. But it was nice to have a gathering with ex-colleagues, even though I didn't speak much but just kept eating and eating! Maybe I just didn't want others to ask me much about what I was up to. In the past when I knew I'd have a big meal like buffet, I'd try not to eat much during the day but now I'll still eat as usual and I won't eat too much in the buffet  so as not to starve stomach for too long and stuff too many things in it in a short time. Still tonight I ate double my normal dinner portions. A bit disappointed at the number of dishes in the buffet; I expected more food than what I saw tonight. Not many vegetables; too much spicy food and meat. Haha, obviously it's not a good place for people who want healthy diets. But in general the food tasted ok. The most impressive food to me was waffles!! They're a bit like the 雞蛋仔 in Hong Kong. I wish I could take some away privately :P

Finally I started revising for my ACCA papers. Not a good progress though!

*****

Buffet dinner: 1st plate

there're different kinds of potatoes - I like the wedge ones and roasted one! The lamb was good

Buffet dinner: 2nd plate

I tried to take each kind in a small amount - the lamb with couscous was quite good

Buffet dinner: 3rd plate

I like the naan bread in a kind of lentils sauce; chicken sausage was good; plus potato wedges!

Buffet dinner: 4th plate

Oh, I like the waffle most!! Creme brulee and mini pancake were good too! 

cheesecake was not like cheesecake... 

The Mcdonald happy meal gift

Who are good friends?

Last week when I had a drink and chat with my ex-colleagues, we saw a book entitled 'how many friends should we have?'  Not necessarily many but a few good ones are enough. Some friends can be stressful. I should feel lucky to have some good friends (and try to avoid those stressful ones - well, if they're stressful, should they still be considered 'friends'?)

Today I received a surprise gift from a HK friend of mine (Let's call her 'tall girl', since that's the name my mum calls her!). She sent me a handmade necklace she had bought from a flea market in HK. From time to time she sends me something like this. A very caring friend. Last time after I had told her about my stomach problems, she sent me a pack of soup ingredients and a box of korean ginseng tea. It's been more than 10 years since we became friends and from time to time she sent me some little gifts.

Got a call from my ex-colleague this morning. She said another ex-colleague of ours would like to yum cha. So we three 'si lai' went yum cha at Chinatown. Our work and employer/bosses were still the main topics of our conversation. Actually the organization/my ex-employer is getting further away from me now - it no longer plays a part in my everyday life and however upset I felt in the past, I can't be bothered now. Anyway, it was a relaxing lunch. No rush. No pressure. Just random chat and updated each other.

Got a bit of stomach pain and acid reflex last night. Not sure if sweet potato is the cause. I had similar symptoms last week after eating sweet potatoes. :( Looks like I have to stop eating sweet potatoes??

I should have started doing my ACCA revision today. Still I didn't feel motivated to work on it.

The handmade necklace sent by 'tall girl'

The wrapping bag is so cute!! Can be recycled. :) 

Breakfast: the bagel bought from Morrisons and cheese was a good combination! 

Plus oat porridge (with blueberry)

Lunch: with my favourite - 'cheung fun' and tofu rice

Dinner: egg fried rice with chicken, cashews, carrots and courgette

A quiet day at home

A quiet day at home. Wanted to get some 'tasks' done. The first one was the anthology - been due for a long time. It took me around 2 hours to get the rough draft done! It seemed difficult at the beginning but when you got to a stage where you had been working on the same stuff time and again, you'd just try to finish it asap. The MMU Professor sent it to the funding body in the late afternoon. It looks like she's ok with it as she didn't really amend anything in it. More work to be done on the anthology but for now, I can turn my attention to something else. :)

Got a bit lazy in the afternoon after finishing just one task! I should have started revising my ACCA papers. But I tidied up my room a bit instead and did a bit of surfing on the internet about food and cooking. :P (that's what I did when I struggled to work on my phd thesis!) I haven't really made many efforts into cooking for a long while. It's time to try to make some nice food when I can do it now.

Flatmate and her international friend were home all day. Surprisingly they didn't make much 'noise' today - for a while there was some loud music (oh that same song she had been playing recently) but for most of the morning and afternoon they were very quiet in their room. But who knows, maybe later in the evening they may start watching movie or listening to radio... I guess I do hope to have a new (considerate) flatmate...

Lunch: rice with chicken in sweetcorn soup!

Dinner: steak pie (from Morrisons; yummy! I love Morrisons! :P),

with sweet potato, carrots and courgette + sweetcorn soup

A closer look at the steak pie! See the sauce and steak!

Good time doing shopping... and a good lesson about communication

I didn't publish a post for yesterday as I was a bit too tired last night. Lots of thoughts though...

*****

My ex-colleague invited me to her daughter's play at school yesterday afternoon. I met her and her friend in Falowfield and we were a bit late for the play. Fortunately we didn't miss it. To be honest, as a graduate in English (literature & linguistics) who has studied Shakespeare and other English literature before (oh, more than 10 years ago!!), I still couldn't understand much about the play.  But I can see it was quite fun to do a play like that. I wish I could go back to my youth. And occasionally I'd like to spend some time reading those poems, fictions and plays again. While part of me is interested in more practical studies in linguistics, the other part of me can be quite 'romantic' and like to read/write some literature! :P

*****

Had a good time shopping at Morrisons today. Actually didn't expect to do shopping there. I had lunch with someone there then. As usual, we had roast chicken!! Plus breakfast omelette. Oh I really love having lunch at Morrisons. The portions are big and tasty at a reasonable price! Since it was Sunday, shops were closed a bit early, and therefore there were some reduced price items around 3:30 p.m. Some customers seemed to be very 'professional' in getting reduced price stuff. One of them got a basket full of reduced price items!! We saw him at those bakery counters waiting for the staff to place the items out. We should have followed him! Anyway we were fortunate and quick enough to get some pies, pasty and bread at reduced prices! Plus my favourite speedy snax burgers! :) It seems shopping has become an important part of life again since I went back to being a student. It's a source of sense of achievement and also is an important 'leisure' activity for me.

Thanks to someone who has taken me to different places/towns for shopping, which broadened my knowledge about local shopping places. It does enrich my life and made it more enjoyable. :)

*****

Feel like I don't really have good communication with my flatmate. Is it my fault? What happened is, her boyfriend has been coming to our flat quite often these days and he even got the keys to come here anytime, which I have mentioned in this blog before. I talked to my flatmate yesterday about this, trying to issue my concern in a polite way. She explained that he needed her help and so it'd be more convenient if he came here  with the keys. I was ok with her 'reason' but I just thought, without saying that to her, why didn't she tell me beforehand? The misunderstanding could arise because of her not telling me what's happening!

Then today, when I was home while flatmate had gone out, her boyfriend pressed the button at the entrance, I didn't let him in. Actually I wasn't sure who it was that asked to come to our flat, though I knew definitely that it wouldn't be someone I know. Then somehow he managed to entered the building and he knocked on the door of our flat. I still didn't go and check. I guess it was him but I didn't feel comfortable letting him in. My flatmate didn't tell me he would come! My flatmate came back later with him. I don't know what they'd think of me not opening the door for him but I just feel that's really not my responsibility to let someone, who I'm not familiar with, into my flat, without being told he/she's coming. Am I too 'traditional' in that I don't let people in? Maybe they think it's 'normal' to let them in? I don't know. But I just don't feel good that it seems like it's my fault but actually it's not! Anyway...

Got a potential flatmate viewing my flat today. I do hope she can become my new flatmate coz she looks like quite nice and I can stay in my flat, though that may mean I have to spend some extra money (on admin fees, etc.) and sort out some issues...

Dinner yesterday: one of my favourite!! 

Dinner yesterday: yummy fish with rice in sweetcorn soup base

Bargain: 9p for 7 bagels!! Around 1.3 pence for 1 bagel!

  2 blueberry & lemon Croissant for 45p only!

Bargain: 85p for two pasties

Dinner tonight: spinach + burger with egg

Lunch yesterday: tuna subway

Lunch today: very nice roast chicken + breakfast omelette :) 

one problem after another

Finally I got to the dentist to get fillings for my teeth. I hadn't really got good experience with dentists in the past. I felt like I was not a human being when I got dentist treatment. So this time when I registered for another dentist, I did have a bit worry about how the dentist would treat my teeth. Fortunately I met a nice dentist. She did care about how I felt. I always wondered how my teeth got back to looking 'normal' with fillings. I felt a bit awkward after the fillings - I did feel there was something with the teeth.

After yesterday's gatherings with ex-colleagues, today I met with another ex-colleague. I had thought we would go for high tea - maybe at a pub inside the Piccadilly train station. But we went for yum cha lunch instead. Not bad. I hadn't yum cha for a while, especially since now I don't work at Chinatown any more. When my ex-colleague asked to postpone yum cha from 12:30 p.m. to 1 p.m., I was a bit worried about my stomach being empty for a bit too long. I seemed to have become too alert on my stomach these few days since I stopped taking any medicine for it. I had forgotten to bring with me any fruit or biscuit. Fortunately my stomach could hold on till we got the dim sum food. That was yummy yummy. My ex-colleague seemed to find it a struggle to get someone to accompany her to an important meeting between her and her supervisors. I did want to help her - especially since she has been helping me so much and giving me support when I needed - but it was really 'inappropriate' for me to go to that meeting.

I went back home early in the afternoon, hoping to finish the anthology. But I ended up being lazy - having a nap, surfing the net, listening to music, etc. Also, I got a bit annoyed again that my flatmate's boyfriend came to my flat on his own without me being informed - I did feel a bit frightened when I heard someone coming to the flat in an 'unusual' way. Am I too stubborn about my views on the fact that my flatmate didn't inform me about her boyfriend's access to our flat? Maybe I'm just worried that I'll be taken advantage of, that my 'private' space got disturbed?

My phobia about my stomach problem still exists. I keep worrying that I'll have acid reflex again....

Dim sum lunch

Dinner: noodles in soup (with spinach, potatoes, carrots, mushroom and pork)

a lovely day with ex-colleagues

Today was all about meeting my ex-colleagues. Had fish & lunch first; then a nice coffee & chat at Costa; dinner at Chiquito. Not just kept chatting but also eating! If you ask me what I miss so much after leaving that 'small society' organization, I'd say it's my ex colleagues (& volunteers!). Actually most of my friends in the UK were my ex colleagues/volunteers. It's not easy to keep in touch with ex-colleagues once you no longer work with them. So I appreciate the gatherings with them! It's good that our conversation no longer centres around the 'small society' organization or it doesn't focus on work but rather it's about our own life and views that we'd like to share. Maybe we all are at a stage of finding the direction of life or at the transition stage...

Receiving a present from someone has also made my day. It's not the present itself but the thought and efforts that went into it, that made me touched. For me, gifts are a form of expressing your feelings to someone. I do like the gift. Appreciate it a lot. Thank you!

(a bit tired today, so though I do want to write more about my feelings/thoughts, I have to keep today's post a bit short! :P)

*****

Breakfast: oat porridge with banana & blueberry! 

(hmm, tasted a bit too sweet with fruit; I'd prefer plain oat porridge)

Lunch: fish & chips!!

(can't remember since when I love this dish! From time to time I'd feel like eating it)

Pudding pie, perfect with gravy!

(it's become my favourite becoz of someone)

Dinner: apple flower drink

(a bit too sweet & sour, probably becoz of too many lime?)

Dinner: chicken wings in bbq sauce; tasted ok

Dinner: meatball

(yummy, though a bit spicy; I quite like that bread/cake thingy)

Dinner: classic burger with chips

(burger ok, but I'd still prefer GBK ones!)

Dinner: (chicken) wrap

(tasted good)

Dinner: something with fish & vegetables + rice!

(fish was good, as well as the rice!)